A black hole inside of you, forever sitting and snarling. Your own mind is your worst enemy. A trigger can be unknown and just a single moment can define your mood for weeks. Your eyes open in the morning, but your hope and fight is gone, to get out of bed feels like the hardest barrier to overcome. You feel nothing and that’s what numbs you. No love, no smile, no fear. Just, nothing.
I’ve dealt with depression ever since I can remember. It isn’t defined by one single symptom but by an umbrella of things that change between people. There is not enough attention, focus or drive to help battle mental health. It is a stigma of a weak person confined within their own genetic failure. But it shouldn’t be. Just because a limb isn’t missing doesn’t mean that a person is struggling with life. Everyone has struggles. No one person is more depressed than another. But some need help.
Help is looked down on. A sense of failure for admitting there is something wrong with you. Depression. Addiction. Therapy. Mental health. These are all ‘bad’ words in modern society. But they shouldn’t be.
Everyday is a new challenge. For some there is no hurdle, but for some the hurdle is opening your eyes and feeling the will to want to live. Unfortunately, for some it weighs you to the point you just can’t see the light anymore no matter how many around you shine it in your face.
Please, I’m begging you. See the light. Feel the love of me, a stranger in your heart who knows what it feels like to be alone no matter what, to struggle with breathing sometimes, to wake up in the morning and to wish yourself dead each night. I’ve been there. I’ll always be there. You are and will never be alone.
An icon. A legend. A sufferer. A human being. A man who made so many laugh, love, and give them just a moment of peace in this turmoil of existence. You will be missed so much and I feel so sad that you lost your fight. But I am even more sad that we will never see your smile on this earth again.
Someone up there has bigger, better and wonderful things for you because of the joy, the hope and the happiness that you brought to so many peoples lives. I felt your pain, but I hope now that wherever you may be, you’re looking down, smiling, laughing and you’re free of agony.
Thank you for the wonderful memories from so many of us who adore you.